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February 20, 2013 / Maleesha Kovnesky

How’s She Goin’/Forever

“How’s she goin'” is a popular phrase from my hometown.  I also figured it would be nice to update my dusty old blog, which I think about a lot but have lost most of the desire to contribute to.  I often think I should have never deleted my old blog, but it was getting ridiculous in terms of unwanted comments and e-mails.  Which is really too bad, because it was a lot cheaper than therapy and much more effective for me.

I think I have also kept away to avoid the temptation of writing about The October 2012 Incident – not because it’s not always on my mind, but because I don’t want to fall in the Just Shut Up About It Already trap.   Life goes on for me and for you, and there are so many other good topics to write about.

I’ve been writing a lot though…I write letters to The Criminal that I never send.  I am on the third draft of my latest manuscript.  I am also a documentation whizkid at work.  And if I took all of the posts I wrote on Facebook, I would have a tome of Biblical proportions.

I will update you (if anyone out there still cares to read this) on current events and things now.

First…to get it out of the way…The Criminal is still hanging out in Park County Detention Center, WY.  He has plead not guilty to everything, which makes me want to hit him really hard in the face with a cast iron pan since he a) confessed and b) apologized.  I have to take it for what it is, some dickhead criminal defense tactic that must be an attempt to get his sentence reduced.  However, I am confident that the bad-ass state of Wyoming, which I believe to be even more bad-ass than Montana at times, will crucify him for the sociopath rapist that he is.  Harsh?  Yes.  And if any ex in-laws or current girlfriends read this, please do not send me an e-mail asking me to change that sentence.  I already understand that my children will read this someday.  I never badmouth their father in front of them, no matter how tempting or justifiable it is.  I know that one day they will find out the gory details and make their own decision and it will not matter one ounce what I have said or thought.  I have not one ounce of sympathy for The Criminal, especially since he is now actively exploiting “his past” as well as the wallets of the gullible to make his life in the clink just a wee bit more cozy.  I will never, ever feel sorry for him due to his choices and actions.

I had a rough Christmas holiday.  All I will say about it, is that in the end, a helpful (but seriously creepy) shrink told me that the kids are probably better off without him in their life…and although it might be obvious to most of you, his words clicked and I realized that yes, duh, of course they will be better off without him.  Without someone capable of doing THAT.  Having me, and my family, and my friends in their life is more than enough…having HIM in their young lives could only be a detriment.  The light bulb turned on, and I have not looked back.  Enough about The Criminal…but in the future I will be certain to share any stories of his sad life in the pokey…remind me to tell you about the Canned Tuna dilemma.

2012-12-26_15-35-57_320

More magenta in real life

– I got my children a puppy.  Sparta is a baby German Shepherd.  Did I mention that I am a cat person?  However, I do enjoy the dog and she is already looking to be an excellent protector, and a very fast learner.  I call her my Magic Dog.  Only 11 weeks, but my mean, mean, mean training voice has this puppy housebroken, sitting, staying, shaking hands, fetching, and laying down.  It has to be this way…as I cannot tolerate untrained dogs a bit.  Breaking out the Marine voice has been very useful in getting this puppy to STOP JUMPING ON ME.  The kids love their dog, and I am happy that I could check this item off the Good Childhood box for them.  Even as I pick up the accompanying yard bombs in below zero weather.  When puppy is a dog, she will be great at keeping the Wild Animals away.

000sparta

Furry poop machine

– Living out in the sticks is wonderful.  I was a little worried about bringing the kids out here, so “far” from the “city”.  But it’s been really good.  I thought I would miss the copious space I gave up, I thought I would miss the dishwasher.  The water has frozen up a couple times this winter.  I look forward to building my next house by hand the way my dad did.  I won’t be able to hoist the logs myself, but I have assembled a plan to build myself a house here without going into a cent of debt.  The bonus is really for my kids…they will get to see how to work for what they want, and help out where they can.  If I pass anything on to my kids, I want it to be self-reliance and the ability to figure things out.  And how to use what you already have, instead of accumulating useless piles.  I imagine this won’t be a lesson they can learn until we outgrow the Toy Phase.

– The house plan involves a lot of recycling, a couple of years, and a lot of hard work.  My shanty (I love my shanty) is great, but I can’t share a room with my daughter forever.  Her idea of cuddling at night is laying on top of my back, and I end up settling for the couch a lot.  The house I plan to assemble is simple, with large rooms, lots of storage, but everything I need.  Everything I need includes a LOT of built in bookshelves.  And a rock fireplace…Lord knows we have plenty of free river rock here…free except for the labor of course.

– About those Wild Animals.  Macy is terrified of Wild Animals at night.  She now has a bow and arrow (which she refers to as her bowarrow) made by Grampa to shoot them with.  So far we haven’t shot anything (might be difficult with rubber tipped arrows).  There are quite a lot of creatures out here…to name everything we have had on the property would be hard…but the list includes wolves, coyotes, a bear, moose, deer, foxes, badgers-who-don’t-give-a-shit, skunks, weasels.   Mice, moles, and rabbits are legion.  We have bald eagles daily, and some frisky goldens.  One day my dad happened upon a golden IN THE CHICKEN COOP.  Wild America, right here.  I enjoy the smaller things…the colorful birds, the wild looking caterpillars (and moths and butterflies), and the dragonflies.’

bowarrow17

– It’s not all roses (Ha!).  Kids have been sick a lot this winter (along with everyone else).  My car is a steaming pile of crap but the more awful it gets, the more resolute I am to drive it until it’s got Flintstone wheels and no glass.  I have never loved a car so much.  It goes from zero to sixty in approximately five minutes.  I broke my elbow about a month ago…it’s moveable but I get horrible twinges if it bends just right.  I have officially lost count of injuries.  All of my injuries are really stupid.  It’s like a demented collection of scars and bones.  Strange, for one who is terrified of horror movies.  My microwave is broken.  I secretly hope it dies soon, as I want to experiment with life without a microwave.  I dream about the counter space.

I can’t move my neck to the left today…Macy slept on it last night.  Both kids have developed a need to climb into my bed at least three times a week.

I don’t let them exploit “but I don’t have a dad!” for anything except extra love, so I let it slide.  It won’t last forever.  Nothing does, does it?

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5 Comments

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  1. Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket / Feb 23 2013 7:08 am

    Life without a microwave?!?! This is crazy talk. What kind of crap are those “professionals” putting in your head! 😉 I have had repeated dreams about seeing a medical professional and being diagnosed with brain cancer with the cause being eating microwaved foods.

    And now, I really don’t use the microwave very often. 😉

  2. David / Feb 20 2013 7:19 pm

    Great to read you again. Lucy Ransom. Interesting that you’re a cat person but have a dog. I guess I’ll assume that you also have a cat or two “behind the scenes”, where they seem to prefer staying anyway. I WISH my wife had a Marine voice. It’s way too late for our 8 y.o. Jack Russell terrier. He’s trained, but only to bad things like close-quarter begging and pissing on every effing thing in our basement. She speaks to him only in soft tones, with pleases and thank yous and if-you-don’t-minds. Sickening! You’d think a horsewoman would know better. He doesn’t do any close-begging at my quadrant of the table. 🙂

    I agree with Lisa. What our children witness is Reality, the same mixture of good and bad that we parents are part of. It’s my opinion that it’s best to allow them to learn to recognize and deal with as much as they can on their own. We provide love and exemplary behavior models. It’s easier to do (I think) in the rural environment than in a big city, where there is too much random artificial crap & distraction along with unpredictable human action. We raised our kids that way too. Our daughter turned out really well. Building a log home, tending your livestock, growing your vegetables and crops is a wonderfully real, solid and rugged foundation for their forming psyches.

  3. lisa / Feb 20 2013 9:51 am

    hello! Glad to see you writing again – re: Kids. Someone told me over and over that No example was better than a Bad Example and I’ve heard story after story to confirm it. That is what I tell myself everytime there is a “why doesn’t daddy….”. I know our situations are different but I know – OUR KIDS WILL BE FINE! cause we are pretty awesome moms 🙂

    You are right, as usual, Lisa! Miss you!

  4. Katharine Coldiron / Feb 20 2013 9:49 am

    You are nowhere near “just shut up about it”. Nowhere. Near.

    I have another fun nickname for jail, if you want one: “hoosegow”.

    I’m so impressed by your puppy-training skills. Maybe when I convince my husband to let us get a dog, you can come train it for me?

    I can train anything, now I am confident. Just buy earplugs. I am LOUD.

  5. cherikooka / Feb 20 2013 9:38 am

    I think you are amazing and I am grateful to have you in my life. I miss you and I can’t wait to see you in March – be forewarned – Paul leaves for Japan that day, so I may be a little e.m.o.t.i.o.n.a.l.

    Don’t take this the wrong way, but have you ever been un-emotional? I wub you!

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