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February 17, 2010 / Maleesha Kovnesky

Innerspace is quiet and smells of ozone

Yeah, I’m still here reading YOUR blogs…you can’t say the same for me as I have all but fallen off the earth.  According to the Myers Briggs test of personality, I am a very strong “E”.  This means I am a very strong extravert, and if you know me in person you are nodding your head, probably recalling some moment where I nearly got us beat up at a bar or perhaps you wanted to tell me to shut up and stop talking, but you couldn’t get a word in edgewise.  Did you know that in times of great stress, we “E’s” become “I’s” to help us cope?  So I am in a period of strong introversion which is a bit relaxing to me.  Some days I seem to think a lot; other days I don’t think much at all and I just let my mind wander about.  Hopefully I will be back to my normal, obnoxious self soon but until then I hope you stick around.  And if not, hey, you suck.

I’m trying to find out what Google Buzz is.  Facebook has really started to blow chunks due to their recent “improvements” so I haven’t been on there much either.  I try to.  But I have lots of other things that are timesuckers…things like work and raising kids without using electronic babysitters.  I also still cook dinner nearly every night.  This is a part of the day I consider a necessity.  I hate eating outside of the home unless I am eating something damn good, like a $45 prime rib.  I’ll eat outside of the home for something like that.  But it takes a very special mood for me to voluntarily ingest something vile like Taco Bell.  Just a few moments ago I went in and cut up one of my very own grown garlic bulbs and ate a nice-sized chunk.  My breath will smell like garlic for two days, but I am okay with that.  If you talk to me during the day, you probably won’t be.  Stand back.

The snow in my backyard is two feet deep still.  I threw on my snowshoes and tromped around back there for a while.  Then I came back inside.  Most of my physical activity these days involves a pool…will get to that in a special post shortly (no, really…shortly). 

This probably sounds somewhat depressing…if so, it shouldn’t.  I am very happy right now.  Peaceful.  I am single now…have been for a while.  Even longer in my mind.  This all sounds like it might be sad, but I’m not sad.  I am finally able to tell you about it here, because it took me a long time to process.  I have to process things like that before announcing.  But I feel peace and quiet.  I feel healthy.  And dare I say it…I feel happy.  I didn’t realize how far I had lost myself over the last several years.  This is not meant in any way to bash anyone.  It’s a purely personal battle and everyone deals with these sort of things differently.  I can read books again, and appreciate the sunrise in earnest.  It’s been a while since I felt anything.  But I do now.  So there.  No “I’m sorries” needed.  I’m not sorry and you shouldn’t feel compelled to say you are either.

I could use some shrimp cocktail.  Maybe I will just go to bed. 

Rebooting nearly complete.

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8 Comments

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  1. DeAnna / Feb 21 2010 8:06 am

    …And I’s in times of great excitement suddenly turn into E’s. Glad you’re feeling beter 🙂

  2. carli / Feb 19 2010 10:03 pm

    I’m SOOOO happy you’re happy with you life. Just don’t start walking around waving and saying “good mornin, good evenin, and good night” 🙂 Glad you’re content.

  3. smalltownsmalltimes / Feb 19 2010 1:59 pm

    Oh I’m so glad you’re back. And I love this post. It’s full of deep breaths (albeit odorous ones) and calm places. I’m glad you’re happy and authentically so.

  4. Christine / Feb 18 2010 9:24 pm

    Glad you are feeling “alive” again! You’re often in my thoughts. 🙂

  5. David / Feb 18 2010 6:43 pm

    Hi Maleesha, so glad to see you back here. Missed you here, though FB helped. Agree with you on FB, and with shmode on MTAE. He is wicked smaht as we say in New England. Wicked funny and amazingly prolific too. He’s been on the Google Buzz. All this web 2.0 stuff is really starting to fracture my brain.

    I’d be happy to have you talking garlic breath at me. I love garlic breath! We still have some of our garlic too, but it’s starting to dry out a little. It’s still good though. I planted twice as much last fall.

    I’m not reading depressed in this post at all. It takes time to realize what just happened to us. You just can’t speed up that processing. But a shrimp cocktail wouldn’t hurt one bit. 🙂

  6. shmode / Feb 18 2010 9:16 am

    That MTAE is a smart dood, he’s got it right. A part of me still wants to say ‘im sorry’ but that’s just good breeding I think. I am happy for your new journey!

  7. morethananelectrician / Feb 18 2010 4:37 am

    Sometimes it takes getting lost to find yourself again. We all grow and change a little bit over time, but life offers each of us new challenges and all I can say to you is to get back on offense instead of playing defense. Make something happen.

  8. Fawn / Feb 18 2010 12:34 am

    Hey, good to see you here again! I didn’t know that about Es in times of stress. But that definitely explains some stuff about me to ME! 🙂

    Glad to know that it’s peaceful and quiet inside.

    *hugs*

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