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January 3, 2010 / Maleesha Kovnesky

Steal These Pants!

‘Sup y’all? 

I’m hijackin’ this blug.  I had to cap the chick who was takin’ my pic at the Wal-Mart.  See, I was just shoppin, minnin’ my own biznass looking at DVDs and stereos and shit.  Special the DVDs…I been collectin’ ol’ eps of Real Housewives of Orange County yanno?  So there I am all lookin’ for sales and shit, and all outta nowhere comes this crazy chick with a pink camera phone and she’s all droolin’ at me like she saw some pot a’ gold.  If you’d seen me you’d prolly been doin’ the same thing.


Now I know I be in fine azz shape, check me out!   I am hard for the ladies to resist.  But this chick, man she musta been ON something cuz she kept mutterin’ somethin’ about “People a Wal Mart dot com” and was aimin’ that camera phone at me like she was capturin a rare butterflea.  I say “Hey girl, you wanna my picture that’s fine but quit chasin’ me ‘roun like you smelling the flowermones or sumtin.”

From this fine photo I found on the phone (after I left her in the ditch) you can’t really tell how poofy my hair is, or that my pants are rockin’ a classy print of Stewie from Family Guy over an’ over an’ over.  You also can’t tell my jacket is open in the front and my T shirt is rockin’ a picture of Betty White.  I know…I know…you’re running out to the Wal Mart to get yousself one right now.  I know.  I ain’t jealous, I know imma trendsetta. 

I guess the problem I really had with that chick is that she caught me in the manly items aisle, if you get what I’m saying.  I needed to get my hands on some Magnums…yanno?  I was lookin’ at all the fine varieties the Wal Mart gots to offer.  I know you might not believe it, but these pants go a long way with the lady folk.  Maybe cause they be covered with babies…I dunno.  Between my hot azz and these pants and my hat, I need to stock up on the pro-fo-lactics, yanno? 

So this chick…she takes my picture, and I’m all like Gimme that phone, you crazy beoatch!  She takes off like Imma gonna kill her (prolly cause I AM) and she goes all speed racer toward the door.  She nearly takes out the Wal Mart greeter and he’d be crappin’ his drawers but luckily those greeters are all like a hunnert years old so they gots the Depends on and shit. 

So the Wal Mart greeter thinks I’m chasin’ this girl (cause I AM) and his little ol’ manness tries to get in front of me, but I pull a Stinger outta these pants (you wouldn’t believe the arsenal I can pack in here) and blow his azz all the way to the McDonalds area where there’s a buncha little kids all looking and cryin and shit.  They just jealous a’ my pants.

So, after I dumped the body in the ditch, I found this blog and had to come tell y’all what happened.  Sorry ’bout that, she was prolly a nice gal and all but ya just can’t go chasin’ hot guys around the Wal Mart and not expect shit like this to happen.  It’s really too shame she couldn’ta got a picture of my from the front.  Idda made me famous and shit.

Well, chow baby, chow.



Leave a Comment
  1. smalltownsmalltimes / Jan 11 2010 3:23 pm

    Hey wait, I think that’s me.

  2. bluesuit12 / Jan 6 2010 7:52 pm

    haha priceless. Way to capture the moment.

  3. David / Jan 3 2010 6:50 pm

    All I can say is, you bastard, is that my father-in-law is one a them greeters and he don’t wear no Depends!

    And I hope you found some good condoms there in fuckin Walmart cuz we don’t need you people to be reproducin.

    You bastard. You better not a hurt our Maleesha.

  4. morethananelectrician / Jan 3 2010 4:56 pm

    Love it!!!! So much I read it twice. Always have your camera on stand by. Gotta love those pants.

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