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December 15, 2009 / Maleesha Kovnesky

Boundaries…what are they good for? (ab-so-lutely NUTHIN)

Good grief.  I have so many STORIES to tell.  Unfortunately I haven’t managed to completely overcome the boundaries that I need to overcome to tell funny stories about people still alive.  I am about 50% there, but many times I find that I write a hilarious piece about which I know you would say No way did that really happen…but I can’t hit “publish” because the humor is at someone else’s expense.  That was okay when five people a year read my blog, and three of those hits were from my own computer.  It’s not okay now because I hear about it, and feel guilty.  And I hate feeling guilty.

I desperately want to tell you the story about The Treasure Map.

Instead, I am going to go sit in the corner, rock back and forth for a while and debate my future as a writer…a lame future to be sure if I can’t be brave enough to trash anything and everything in words, for all the world to read.  Surely this is why writers are loners, drug addicts and alcoholics…it’s the only way they can tell the truth?  Or the only way they can cope with everyone being perpetually angry at them? 

What I will do is re-post a blog-interview that I stole from Crisitunity’s pages.  I like this one because I can share one of my OCD quirks in question #4. 

1. How do you flush the toilet in public?
With my foot, of course. 

2. Do you wear your seat belt in the car?
Yes, why thank you for caring about my well-being!

3. Do you have a crush on someone?
Ludwig van Beethoven

4. Name one thing you worry about running out of.
KIDNEY BEANS.  Oh my God, you wouldn’t believe my obsession with canned beans.  It’s like I’m traveling cross country with the Joads and someone put me in charge of the food list.  I cannot walk by the following types of beans without throwing at least two cans into my cart:  Kidney, Pinto, Black, Great Northern.  When I take the groceries home, I stack the newly purchased beans in their section in the pantry.  I am scared shitless to run out of kidney beans.  What if someone needed chili?

5. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?
When I picture myself, I envision the little depressed matzo ball that bounces around in the antidepressant commercial.  I have no idea how to answer crap like this.

6. What is your favorite pizza topping?
Feta cheese and red peppers

7. Do you crack your knuckles?
No, but you should hear my spine when I move…it’s like popcorn

8. Peppermint or spearmint?
Spearmint if it’s gum.  Peppermint if we’re talking about Listerine.

9. Where are your car keys?
In the same place they always are, don’t even THINK about moving them, or I will never find them again.

10. Last song you listened to?
“Helena” – Nickel Creek

11. What’s your most annoying habit?
This is the kind of thing YOU should be telling ME.  Personally I would like to be able to shut the hell up in group settings, rather than being full of outbursts.  But I’m outbursty. 

12. What is your best physical feature?
Ugh.  Whatever.  My scars are cooler than your scars.  (I do have self-esteem…I just don’t want to write about it)

13. What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator?
Lemon juice, expired tortillas, expired sour cream

14. What superstition do you believe/practice?
none

15. Would you rather be a fish or a bird?
bird, yo

16. What are you having to eat tonight?
I made salmon

17. What colour shirt are you wearing?
blue.

18. Do you talk to yourself?
Like a fiend!  I listen to myself too, and occasionally I ignore myself.

19. Have you ever adopted or purchased a pet?
Yes.  I hope to acquire a kitty cat soon.

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5 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Greg / Dec 21 2009 6:08 pm

    #1. I do the exact same thing! Always! In fact I turn the water on and off with my elbow and open the door with a hand-full of towels. If they have that stupid hand blower instead I use my Leatherman pliers.

    #3. I love Beethoven.

    #4. Here in Texas beans are not allowed in chili. But secretly, very secretly, I can take it either way.

  2. David / Dec 17 2009 7:23 am

    YOU are the blog master!

  3. David / Dec 17 2009 7:23 am

    Strong resonance on SO many of your answers to these questions.

    Beethoven? No shit?!

  4. Dave / Dec 16 2009 9:13 pm

    Re #18: Have you ever lost an argument with yourself? 🙂

    BTW, I don’t know if you have any funny stories with me in them, but I hereby give you free license to post them if you do. I’d be interested to them.

  5. fawnahareo / Dec 15 2009 10:23 pm

    How about having a bag of dried kidney beans around JUST IN CASE the canned ones run out? 🙂

    Will you send me the story of the Treasure Map by e-mail if I ask nicely??? What if I send you beans?

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