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May 3, 2009 / Maleesha Kovnesky

Craigslist: A haven for Ding Dongs

Ding Dong is a nicer word than douchebag, which is what I wanted to write.

I am a Craiglist junkie.  I buy, sell, and trade using Craigslist.  I’d say I have a 90% success rate on there.  As long as you avoid the ads/people that suggest “simply send check in the sum of 500,000 US dollars to Tunisian bank and my father, Prince Jonas III will repay your kindness by sending 17,000,000 cash dollar to your bank account” then you are golden.  That doesn’t mean that there aren’t a buttload of idiots on there.  Here are three Craiglist “outtakes” from my recent experience. 

OUTTAKE #1

ME:  I posted an ad looking for geese.  I need geese to weed my gardens.  Ad said= “Looking for geese, goslings to 1 year preferred.”

Ding-Dong #1 wrote back:  “Just so you know, geese are really mean.  I don’t know why you would want them.  My sister’s neighbor’s uncle had some geese and they were like, super mean.  So you shouldn’t get geese.”

(Thanks.  I asked for your opinion.)

OUTTAKE #2

Some Ding Dong posted an ad:  “We just bought this house and previous owner didn’t clean out the garage.  We have about 5oo gallon plastic planters here that we aren’t going to ever use, so you can have them for free.  Please call or email if interested.  They are free, you haul.”

ME:  “I’m interested!  I would like to pick some up this weekend.  I would be happy to take 250-300 off your hands.”

DING DONG #2: He writes back.  “Um, why do you need 250?”

ME:  “Does it matter?  Aren’t they free?”

DING DONG #2:  “Yes.  I am just curious to what you are using them for.  Do you have a nursery or something?”

ME:  “We have a gardening type business that we are starting this year.  That’s why I need so many.  Thanks!”

DING DONG #2: “Um, you are using them for a business?  The LEAST you could do is offer me money for them.  Forget it.  Sheesh.  Some people.”

ME:  “I thought you said they were free.  If you wanted money, why didn’t you say so in your ad?”

DING DONG #2:  Ignores my email, but rewords his Craigslist ad.  “We just bought this house and previous owner didn’t clean out the garage.  We have about 5oo gallon plastic planters here that we aren’t going to ever use, so you can have them for free.  Please call or email if interested.  They are free, you haul.  And if you plan on using them for a business/reselling them, don’t bother inquiring unless you offer me some money.”

(What a complete short bus jockey.  I hope he still has 500 planters in his garage that he trips over every time he goes in there.)

OUTTAKE #3

ME:  “We are looking for a place to rent near Four Corners.  Property should be 1/2+ acre with four bedrooms.  Fenced yard preferred.  Ranch style preferred but basement OK.  Request permission to have small garden on property.  Pets should be negotiable.  If you have a place like this you are trying to sell, please let us know.  We would be interested in renting/rent to own scenario.  Looking for long term lease.”

DING DONG #3:  “Hi.  I read your ad on Craigslist and I have the perfect place for you.  It’s not near Four Corners, but it is very close to your other requirements.  It’s a block from Main near the Co-Op, you can walk right downtown very easily.  It’s the corner unit of a triplex and has three stories but wide staircases so it’s easy to move stuff up and down.  Pets aren’t allowed but you could probably put a garden in the front yard area if the other units agreed to it (it’s a common area.)  It’s very clean and new and I know you will really like it!  I have six months left on my lease but I am moving so I need to get someone in here ASAP!  Call me XXX-XXXX and I would love to show it to you. 

(I just want to shake her.)

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8 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. smalltownsmalltimes / May 10 2009 8:06 am

    Happy Mother’s Day!

  2. Pammy Girl / May 8 2009 3:49 pm

    Actually, I think douche bag IS the best term to use. The freaks you find on Craig’s List.

  3. crisitunity / May 8 2009 11:44 am

    People are unbelievably stupid. I keep re-learning this over and over and it’s so depressing.

    The guy with the pots wins, I think. Free only in some circumstances?

    Yes…free with his approval of what you plan on using them for. What a dickhead.

  4. smalltownsmalltimes / May 7 2009 10:42 am

    This is hilarious. A total David Letterman kind of thing. I agree with Carli — too bad about the pots.

  5. teeni / May 6 2009 11:44 am

    Wow. LOL. Ding-dongs really isn’t severe enough for those people. Sheesh. I might have to go peruse some of those ads just to get a good laugh though. 😉

  6. Carli / May 5 2009 6:14 pm

    hahaha…..that story totally reminds me of when we moved down here. We told our realtor we were looking for a 3 bedroom minimum, newer home, in the country, preferably with some land. When we came down to look at homes he drove us to a home he thought we would surely love. His words in fact were “I can just see you both in this house.” It was a 1940’s era (or earlier), one bedroom shanty right smack in the heart of downtown. Uh…so much for attention to detail…or attention to anything for that matter. Bummer you didn’t get your “free” pots though.

  7. megan / May 4 2009 7:14 am

    Wow. Those are some pretty incredible stories that warrant the use of the word “douche-bag.”

    This is why I use Craigslist for entertainment purposes only. I’m too scared that all my transactions would end up like this.

  8. morethananelectrician / May 4 2009 6:30 am

    See…n*ked on the roof. Those three stories sum it up perfectly.

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