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September 22, 2008 / Maleesha Kovnesky

A Noodle Stuck on my Face

For me, lunchtime happens between 11 and 11:30.  That is when my stomach tells me that it’s lunchtime.  I never need to check the clock, because my stomach is infallible when it comes to telling time.  Today lunch was a Thai Kitchen microwaveable box of Sweet Chili and Ginger Rice Noodles.  It’s a box with little packets of noodles, sauce, “vegetables”, and crushed peanuts that you add water to, mix with the included spork, and nuke for four minutes.  I love these things.  I think of them as very upscale ramen.

The rice noodles come in dried stick form, about three inches long.  I like to break mine up into little pieces.  Once they’re cooked, the noodles are easier to eat that way.  Once they’ve soaked up all that sauce, microwaved rice noodles are nearly impossible to cut with the spork.
 
Alas, today’s noodle lunch resulted in a terrible, terrible office mishap.  One of the little pieces of rice noodle fell of the spork and landed on my jeans.  I didn’t notice.  Later I was summoned to another office to instruct someone on how to use a particular command line program.  That’s when I noticed the rice noodle on my jeans, at the same time the coworker noticed the rice noodle.  “Oops,” I said.  “I had noodles for lunch.  Guess one ended up on my jeans.”  No big deal, right?  I wiped it off.
 
At least I thought I did.  Instead the room-temperature, stickified noodle latched on to my thumb, unnoticed.  And during the one-on-one instruction, I brushed my hair off my face.  It was around this time that the rice noodle became attached to my chin.
 
It would have been nice if someone might have pointed this out.  But no. 

I walked down to the kitchen to refill my water bottle.  Later I went to the vending machine for a Coke.  I stood at the printer for a while.  Each time I would say hello to the other people walking by.  I imagined that, for just a second, they were looking at me a little too long.
 
Later in the bathroom I figured out why.  As I washed my hands, I gave a casual glance to the mirror, just to make sure my eyebrows weren’t looking too Bert & Ernie today.  Then I saw it – a petrified brown barnacle on my face.  I knew what it was immediately; but to others not familiar with Thai Kitchen rice noodles, it could have been anything.  A dead earthworm.  An out of control facial hair problem.  Tape.
 
Of course I yanked it off.  I also did a whole-body check for other stowaway noodles.
So now my love of Thai Kitchen rice noodles has ended.  I guess this is okay.  They’re not that great. 
In the end microwave noodles are still microwave noodles, even if you dress them up in foil packets, put some Asian script on the box and include a spork. 

As a wise man once told me, you can’t polish a turd.

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10 Comments

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  1. Jodi / Sep 25 2008 5:56 am

    Oy. I hope the barnicle wasn’t too close to your nose.

    Maybe you can find creative ways to sneak your dried noodle discovery into casual conversation with co-workers who might have seen it. Ex: “Yeah, yesterday, when I had that piece of dried noodle stuck to my face, I had this idea…”

    The good news is at one time or another, we’ve all had something on our face that didn’t belong there.

  2. Pammy Girl / Sep 23 2008 9:39 pm

    Mwaahahaha! Awesome!!! Loved it because stuff like this happens to me ALL THE TIME!

    I remember in the 9th grade a girl sat in gum and it wound up in the crack of her jeans. Her friend PICKED IT OUT for her. I say that’s going above and beyond. Simply saying, “You sat in gum” is good enough for me.

    Picking gum out ‘da bum. Now that is true kinship.

  3. kaylee2 / Sep 23 2008 6:53 pm

    people are weird…..but, thats okay. I am sorry i havent been here in a while i hate that I cant blog that much with this damn cancer!i love thai noodles

  4. margotmarrakesh / Sep 23 2008 2:39 pm

    Well, I think you must be a morning person. I also eat lunch early, but I’m a very early riser. Am I right about you being a morning person?

    Margot, in Marrakesh

    You are spot-on. I am very much a morning person!

  5. bluesuit12 / Sep 23 2008 7:22 am

    That is pretty cruel no one said anything to you about the noodle but it made for a funny post.

  6. crisitunity / Sep 23 2008 5:45 am

    I’m sorry about this. I agree with teeni, too – why don’t people just SAY something?

    “For me, lunchtime happens between 11 and 11:30.”

    ME TOO! ME TOO! How do people wait until 12:30 or 1:00 without losing their minds with hunger?

  7. curlywurlygurly / Sep 23 2008 4:25 am

    that is hysterical!!! it’s kind of mean that no one let you in on the noodle, though.
    i always try to help people out with stuff like that. you know, i send around an email to EVERYONE else in the office telling them to go see ‘so and so’ because he has a giant piece of lettuce in his teeth.
    hahahahah. kidding. (unless i don’t like the person.)

  8. teeni / Sep 22 2008 9:41 pm

    LOL! It always amazes me when people will stare at you but not tell you that you’ve got something on your face or teeth or whatever. People are weird.

  9. morethananelectrician / Sep 22 2008 8:20 pm

    I am thinking that thing was still alive.

  10. Carli / Sep 22 2008 7:08 pm

    at least you didn’t have a giant blob of cherry filling on your face 🙂

    I had a feeling you were going to say that.

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