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August 1, 2008 / Maleesha Kovnesky

Hot Lover

Some things a parent is just not ready to hear.  I nearly had a stroke this evening during bathtime, brought on by something my son said to me.  Not my bathtime.  I was giving my three and a half year old son a bath, as I do every night.  I mostly just supervise while he splashes in the tub with a bucket and some plastic toys. 

This is your brain.

This is your brain.

Tonight I was supervising, trying to finish a chapter in an Anne Lamott book, when I heard… 

“Look at my hot lover, mom!”

“WHAT!?”  (I almost dropped an F bomb)

“Look at my hot lover!”  He looked into the water and splashed.

“Where did you learn that, AJ?  Tell me where you heard that.”

Little kids can sense an impending parent-splosion, and he clammed up.  “AJ, tell me where you heard that word!  RIGHT NOW.

“At school,” he finally admitted.

I was trying not to act frantic.  I immediately remembered every news bulletin of child molesters and predator teachers I’ve read in the last ten years.  “Did a teacher say that?  What is a hot lover?”

“Just hot lover, mom.”

He wouldn’t tell me where he heard this.  He has been doing this lately; some days he just won’t tell us what he did at preschool, mostly because he knows how bad we want to know.

Finally I bribed him with a strawberry ice cream cone.  “I’ll make you an ice cream cone if you just tell me who told you about a hot lover, AJ.”

His eyes lit up.  “Okay,” he agreed. 

“Great.  Tell me.  It’s really important that you tell Mommy where you heard this.  What is a hot lover?”

AJ threw up his little arms like I was an idiot.  “We saw a picture at school, mom.  Hot lover.  Like at Yellowstone.”


AJ nodded.  “Yeah.  Hot lover.  Under the ground.”

The wheels in my mind were turning.  “…what color is hot lover, AJ?”

“Orange, mom.  Like fire.  Hot lover.  See?  I’m in hot lover.”  He splashed some water for effect.

Waves of relief passed over me, as I tried not to laugh.  The preschool has a poster of nearby Yellowstone Park on it, complete with geyser activity. 

“AJ, do you mean hot lava?”

“Yes!  That’s what I said.  Hot lover.”

This is your brain when your child says Look at my Hot Lover.

This is your brain when your child says "Look at my Hot Lover."



Leave a Comment
  1. Tom Ponting / Jan 2 2010 2:19 am


  2. Christine / Aug 15 2008 6:10 pm


  3. Carli / Aug 12 2008 8:07 pm

    hahahaha….too funny.
    Here’s a quote from my husband from a few evenings ago(not to be confused with quotes from a 3 year old boy, although equally as ridiculous)
    Me: “Husband…how high can you kick your leg?”
    Husband: “I’m a Myan ruin”
    I still have no earthly idea where the logic in that response lies.

    Also, see if you can find this one in the dictionary (compliments of my husband). The word is…”Observative” I believe it’s of Bambootian origin.

    I’m really not sure I understand, but I guess that is the point…

  4. romi41 / Aug 6 2008 8:35 pm

    hahahaha…..crisis averted….and actually I’m the one wondering what a hot lover would be like…please advise…


  5. pikespeakdenise / Aug 4 2008 8:36 pm


  6. bluesuit12 / Aug 4 2008 7:09 am

    HAHA!! I must admit I was a little anxious to see where this was going to go as well. Kids crack me up.

  7. carli / Aug 3 2008 1:52 pm

    Glad my perils could be the source of inspiration behind your blog feature on fivestarfriday. 🙂

  8. Allison / Aug 3 2008 9:29 am

    Ha! That’s hilarious.

    I know what you mean about them clamming up about their days. It’s like daycare is a secret society to which they have made sworn oath’s to keep from their parents. Mine does that too. I need to go buy some strawberry ice cream now.

  9. talea / Aug 1 2008 8:07 pm

    Ha! Adorable!
    I would have given all the ice cream in the world for filling me in and saving me from having to go kick some preschool ass.

  10. dana / Aug 1 2008 6:29 pm

    Oh Lord. Even I was getting a bit anxious! That was adorable.

  11. Ian / Aug 1 2008 5:40 pm


  12. morethananelectrician / Aug 1 2008 1:42 pm

    Shoot first…ask questions later. 🙂

  13. schmutzie / Aug 1 2008 11:29 am
  14. fawnahareo / Aug 1 2008 8:57 am


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