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April 22, 2008 / Maleesha Kovnesky

Gym socks, take cover

We joined a gym today.  We really need it. 

I’m a little nervous.  I haven’t belonged to a gym in nearly five years.  That’s not to say I haven’t exercised, mind you…I have.  Just not as much as I used to.  When we lived in Divide, Colorado, we thought it would be a nice place to really stay in shape.  Rural areas sometimes foster that kind of lifestyle.  Oh, how we were off-base on that.  Rural living only keeps you in shape if you’re chopping wood, hunting your food, or doing major gardening/farming/lifting/building.  We lived on top of a cold, windy mountain.  There was no need to chop wood with our flip-a-switch gas fireplace.  The HOA rules didn’t allow chickens or cows or anything not named ‘Rex’ or ‘Fluffy.’  Shoveling snow was about the most exercise the actual property required, and that usually didn’t even happen because when it did snow, there was no shoveling…it was time to call a plow.  And pushing a stroller on the dirt road at 9200 feet was doable for about two months every summer, if you went during the day when the sun was up high enough to make it warm but not so high that it created an instant sunburn, but not so low that it was too cold and it was likely that wild animals were still out prowling around and it hit you directly in the eyes as you walked toward it…

Okay so these were some of the various reasons I’ve been an indoor girl for the past few years.  But now that we are in a real town with sidewalks and grass and bike trails and stuff, we decided there were no longer any valid reasons to sit around and watch American Idol (though that is what TiVo is for).  So while our favorite TV shows are recording, we are going to get back into shape!

And this is a nice gym.  It’s way nicer than the 24 Hour Fitness I was part of in Colorado.  It’s got everything a person could want in a workout facility.  Juice bar, a zillion nice machines with LCD TV screens built in, a daycare center, a pool that doesn’t use chlorine but instead some high-tech saline system…I mean, nice. 

When I was single I was one of those jerks who went to the gym for a good two hours a day, five or six days a week.  I know I won’t be able to do that again for a long time.  Nor would I really want to.  But it would be nice to go four days a week for an hour or two.

I don’t look forward to the starting over.  I’ll be starting from scratch, really.  Since my uber-athletic days, I’ve had two roly-poly children and one major back surgery that took a full year to recover from.  Those screws at L5-S1 I am not willing to pop out.  Those suckers cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $85,000.  So I have to really start slow and work up to…what?  I don’t even know.  I guess I will find out. 

So if you happen to see the completely out of shape klutz in the corner trying to contort herself into a U shape, that is just me trying to see if I remember how to do a crunch.  Or more accurately, if my abdomen will even allow me to do a crunch.  My back surgery was an ALIF procedure, where they made a seven-inch cut into my gut, moved all the internal organs out into a dish while they worked on my spine, then put it all back where they figured it went. It’s never really been the same, and when I do anything remotely resembling a crunch, it’s kind of “squishy,” like “hey, maybe that’s my liver…oh wait, that could possibly be a pancreas? 

It’s very strange.  A person should be able to take their organs for granted.


Leave a Comment
  1. Sean / May 10 2008 4:43 pm

    I thought I was the only one crazy enough to go through this surgery with little ones. You are hilarious, keep your sense of humour. I find red wine really helps the healing…until my 3 yr old rooster boy decides to wake the troops at 5:30am. I had PLIF L5-S1 (posterior, pain in the, literally) June 2006. It will be nice to hear about your gym progress. I am almost 2 years post fusion and still walk like an arthritic flamingo. The fusion is solid, I feel strong, not overweight at all, can do all of the basic physio exercises and swim. Just spasmy all the time in the glutes and low back when I walk. Not sure if I should just “go for it” with light weights and stop babying it or find a good retirement home. Good luck!

  2. Christine / Apr 24 2008 7:01 pm

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I also used to take my organs for granted. How foolish I used to be.

  3. Allison / Apr 24 2008 9:08 am

    Ugh to squishy noices when you crunch. Good look with your new gym. People watching at the gym is one of my favorite pasttimes, and it makes the work-out go so much faster.

    I’m very intrigued by the saline pool.

  4. Ian Thomas Healy / Apr 23 2008 5:14 am

    You should celebrate your new fitness regime.

    Buy some new socks. 😉


  5. cherikooka / Apr 22 2008 8:44 pm

    I want to learn Kung Fu – mostly so I can beat people up. I don’t like going to the gym, but yoga would be fun.

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