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December 13, 2007 / Maleesha Kovnesky

The Hazards of Christmas Cards

I mentioned before I am feeling a bit bah-humbuggy…it’s hard to get in the Christmas spirit, what with all the fun public assault rifle situations on the news, the constant “Holiday Tree vs. Christmas Tree” debates, the fact we have to now pay over a thousand dollars to fix our house after a crazy elk head-butted it, and now…now this.

So I am filling out some final Christmas cards and I got a paper cut from licking the envelope.  It is not fun to get a paper cut anywhere, but its really not fun to get a paper cut on your lip.  Every time I smile, frown, eat, drink, or brush my teeth, it stretches a bit and stings.  Lovely.

I felt a bit better after we got a little orange card in the mailbox.  The card instructed me to come pick up a package at the post office.  Now that’s more like it!  Packages start arriving about this time of year, so I was excited to go get the first one.  Usually, the post office has no line at all in our small town, but since the holiday season is upon us, there was a ten minute wait.  I waited, waited, watched the line slowly shrink down, and finally it was me.  I was next in line to get the package! 

I gave the mailman the card and he went into the mail room.  I wondered what the package would be?  Probably presents for AJ.  Maybe something I ordered for Wasband from Amazon.  There is something special about picking up a package, especially around Christmas.  Finally the mailman returned…with a big, fat, yellow…

phone book.

WHAT?!?!  I drove to the post office and stood in line for a phone book?!  Since when do they consider phone books a “parcel” or a “package?” 

Since it started snowing.  They usually leave a pile of phone books near the mailboxes, but they can’t now, since there is snow on the ground. 

If we got phone books once a year, like people used to, this would not bother me so much.  But for whatever reason, we get four or five phone books every year.  I guess there are more companies publishing phone books for the advertising.  However, I only need One. Stupid. Phone book. 




Leave a Comment
  1. Jennipher / Dec 17 2007 10:21 am

    I feel your pain…I just received two new ones to add to the three sitting on top of the refrigerator. As Steve Martin in ‘The Jerk’ said with great excitement, “The new phone books are here, the new phone books are here!!”


  2. pikespeakdenise / Dec 14 2007 5:16 am

    Thre should be a law.

  3. ianthealy / Dec 13 2007 6:15 pm

    Phone books are quaint relics of the pre-internet age. Seriously. Since I got online access, I have not once cracked one open.

    I wish there was a way to opt out of them. They are a tremendous waste of resources.


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